This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
