Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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