Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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