Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
