your room smells of hookers.
And success
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
