if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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