omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.