It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...