My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week