dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sext me about skeletons
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?