Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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