WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
