Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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