why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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