you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize