Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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