im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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