I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
