Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
