Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
