I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
