the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
