I hope mine doesn't look like that
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
