i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
