if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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