idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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