wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
