Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
