I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
