She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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