i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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