her vagine was all disorganized.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Randomize
