and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
