i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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