i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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