u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Houston, we have a squirter
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
