i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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