honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
