She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
