John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
smell my finger.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize