I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
