So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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