Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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