It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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