Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
