Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?