i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
