my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
