Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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