Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
