What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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