Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
