Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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