I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
