community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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