I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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