i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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