Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
