Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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