On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
