Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
