i need an iv and a liver transplant
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
