I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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