Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
