Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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