Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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